Dont listen to the sound of all the people you know slowly falling apart.
Stars Behind the Clouds of Smoke
Date : Saturday, June 16
Standing behind a cloud of smoke I am taking sip after sip Of my choice of poison My 2 shots vodka Mixed in a tall glass of OJ Watching the people in the room Crawl around one another like roaches It’s my choice of action It’s my way of killing time It’s my revenge on the damned paradox For ambushing me with death Since the day I was born For singling me out from birth Standing behind a cloud of smoke I am taking sip after sip Watch me, and watch closely Because I am on my own And your eyes will be the only document The only document to my newfound madness Madness brought on by the sight of him I am mortified and jaded Because he doesn’t see me My nerves are discombobulated And I cannot move He told me that if he owned the stars He’d dedicate them to me He told me that he loved me But it was my pitfall of deceit So I stand behind these clouds of smoke These clouds of smoke that hide me That masks my silhouette from him Taking sip after sip of my poison Dedicating the stars to my morbid self The stars that rest in the fogged over twilight The stars that lay beside the demons in the sky Document this with your eyes As I save hope As I blossom in my pothole of memories And defeat the broken strand of promises That he left trailing behind him As he walked away.
Standing on the San Francisco Bridge is freeing Looking over at the cars & catching glances from people in cars Sets the pace of my story It is the backdrop to my life A life sometimes that feels not quite worth A life that sometimes feels devoid of hope But a life that has a story to be told As I stand on that bridge The smell of the exhaust is like a venemous poison Some days I think I am just waiting For the scent of the exhaust To burn the hairs in my nose And set my face aflame Other days I feel like I will go into hypothermic shock Not from the warm temperatures of San Francisco But from the cold & distant glances Glances that make me feel invisible Or maybe just not important enough to look at So as freeing as standing on the San Francisco Bridge can be It is also a prison Taking captive my thoughts Thoughts that have already been murdered by headlights Thoughts that hold my story & thoughts that are the backdrop to my life.
Dance Ballerina, dance Make your way through the gardens & cross through the gates of holiness The gates of holiness that have transformed you Tiptoe through the streets Allow your feet to glide across the gravel floor & reveal yourself to the world Do not hide your battle scars Be proud as you weave through the cars The flow of the headlights illuminates you So dance your best, ballerina Your magnificence is a seizure of hope For everyone you pass For everyone who feels the fust of wing As you twirl alongside them As your going over the bridge & crossing through the gates & weaving through the cars Dance ballerina, dance.
He sits on that train everyday Riding it from town to town He has a magic eight ball with him Everyday he asks it if he should get off And everyday that eight ball gives him the same answer He was hopeful at first But it was an answer that never came Hes a shell of himself now Left with a series of desolate dreams A girl joined him for awhile They sat together everyday A passionate kiss was even exchanged But she eventually stopped sitting with him So now he sits alone with that damned eight ball The eight ball that gives him the same answer The same cursed response every love-forsaken day His life is now a series of illuminated ruins He has nothing left Abandoned from the hope of change And intimidated by the fear of that same change For him the predictability of that magic eight ball Is what cursed him to ride that train Alone – everyday Abandoned – even by hope.
Precious lie Come to me & break your hesitations Embrace me as you always have You embody the invisible me You have me suspended by the throat You are all I can trust You are the promise of my life; …what keeps me alive. You are the air in my lungs And the tingling in my feet When the blood doesn’t quite run Though all of my cold and shattered veins You are the grip I have on living Precious lie I’ll be honest with you Because you are always honest with me I feel trapped Like I am in a death box A 6 sided death box With walls made of glass So everyone can see me from the outside To poke & laugh & sneer in my direction With walls so close together That if I wanted to shift I’d have to break my toes & twist my body insufferably To match the form of the box I am currently in Precious lie I have to confess something to you I fear for your life There is a bullet in my pocket A bullet with your name on it I don't know how long it’s been there But I feel it growing heavier each day Pressing hard enough To leave an imprint on my upper thigh Don't leave me – you’re what I live by You are what I was raised to follow You are my religion – my truth.
The dead are always manifest in our lives Whether we see them or not – they are there They are keeping watch Particularly now – as spring ends & summer looms on the horizon Summer doesn’t look promising It’ll be an ill and rank season A summer of darkness As the roaches emerge From the many cracks in the ground Cracks brought on by the explosions That we men seem to cause so often One day we’ll be punished though A dozen furies of a so-called mythology Will return to seek vengeance We all shall perish In one fell swoop we’ll be gone But what have I to show for my life? What to show but bodies decapitated And hearts rendered helpless My heart strings come undone At the image of the fading world The image of the agony I see In the eyes of each person I pass on the street The dead are always manifest in our lives Whether we see them or not – they are there They are keeping watch Waiting, far too patiently, for us to destroy The beauty of the world lain before us Waiting for us to challenge too harshly our fates And devastate hope.
It’s cold outside tonight & the moon is high in the sky It’s full again - & we’re together Laying atop a hill – your arm around me Your hand pressing into my side Sends a sharp shiver through me So the hair on my arms stands Like it’s ice cold outside But it’s the middle of spring And the cicadas are thriving The flowers have already bloomed Most are fully grown
You say I’ve grown attached to you But you’ve grown attached to freedom You want to have your cake & eat it too So when I turn to you – arms open wide You hook me to a closed window Instead of cuffing me to your hand – ( So we could be together ) And you place a tissue on the sill You tell me to cry, So I can let my feelings out & I want to, but I'm stuck Handcuffed to a closed window With no key to get inside I've lost all hope & I’ve lost my mind & though the wind blows warm I lay next to you shivering.
I lay in bed at night Gripping the crimson blanket That has been my comfort Through countless nightmares & through darkest hours Lusting after my memories – Memories of hope now forsaken & dreams down trodden Of a gothic romance long forgotten & of beauty lost in mundane promise-
I lay in bed at night Turning my ear from the pillow And tuning in to the noise The explosions – the screaming The heartache& the sobbing The fear is inescapable & the destruction is unstoppable I’m lusting after memories Memories of hope now forsaken & of dreams down trodden I cant fall asleep.
